The Third Steppingstone to Personal Power – Releasing Patterns of Control

“Control is an illusion” is an existential viewpoint repeated a lot in the spiritual world. The Akashic Masters share with me that while it’s true, it’s not always helpful. As humans, sometimes it feels very unsafe to acknowledge that we have no control over the things that matter most to us – financial security, career longevity, relationship stability

So, we delude ourselves into believing that if we just do enough, if we are enough, then we are in control. If we are to continue to expand our consciousness, to level up in our current lives, it’s important to examine how and why we attempt to exert control so we can release the drive to do so.


The need to control

As children, we are encouraged to demonstrate control. It’s not acceptable to cry at the grocery store, so we are instructed to control ourselves. No one wants to wear a diaper forever, so we’re told it’s important to control our bodily functions. A fat body isn’t the “norm”, so we are forced to control how much we eat.

All these lessons contribute to our need to control other aspects of our lives as we get older. We’re told it’s important to have a certain amount of money in the bank, to rein in the level of emotion we express, and keep a “clean” home. I’m not advocating a free-for-all mentality, but the desire for control often morphs into a protective mechanism that falsely tells us we’re safe and it’s something that can hold us back from evolving.


A different kind of manifestation

Janette e-mailed me after seeing several therapists and even trying to contact her mother through a medium. Her issue was one I’d never dealt with before – caffeine addiction. “My boyfriend’s ready to kick me out,” she confessed. “I go through six Redbulls a day, not to mention multiple cans of CELSIUS, and a lot of green tea.”

She admitted she hated to sit still, which felt like she wasn’t being useful or productive, but was at a point where her caffeine consumption and inability to rest were affecting her relationship. “I don’t know what it’s about, but I can’t stop or even cut back, no matter how hard I try.”

When we opened her Akashic Records, Janette was a young teen in a family of five. Her parents owned a restaurant that teetered on the verge of bankruptcy. It was clear she was the oldest and for many reasons had stepped into the role of caregiver, not just for her brothers but for her mother as well.


Getting to the core

Her father spent most of his time away from the house, working at a failing business while her mom managed all the responsibilities of the family while dodging letters and calls from creditors because no one at the restaurant ever responded to them. She felt her mother’s stress and set out to fix it.

Janette anticipated her mother’s needs, starting dinner or doing chores without being asked. She helped her brothers with their homework, was a model student and never asked for much. Inevitably the restaurant went under and the stress in the household sent her into an even deeper spin, always with the goal of alleviating her mother’s stress because Janette didn’t feel safe when her mother was overwhelmed.

Of course, she had no control over anyone’s stress level, but in trying to fix it, she created a stress tornado for herself, believing that if she did nothing, things would just get worse. But they got worse anyway, and Janette believed that if she’d just been able to do more, everything would’ve been fine.


Learning from the past

Janette’s Akashic Records then revealed what happened as she grew up, eventually moving out and getting married. She repeated the pattern of trying to control how others felt, in both her family and social circle. By the time she was an old woman, she had few friends, her children had very little to do with her and her husband, whom she’d loved deeply, was practically a stranger.

We took a moment to absorb all we’d witnessed and when Janette spoke, it was powerful. “That’s the lesson, isn’t it?” she asked quietly. “What works, or what you think works, when you’re a kid can really hurt you as an adult.”

Our conversation touched on the similarities in Janette’s past and present lives. “I’ve tried to control things I can’t because it’s how I feel safe,” she said. “If I’m honest, things between my boyfriend and me have been dicey and I haven’t wanted to deal with it. He wants to have kids and I don’t. Keeping myself going twenty hours a day allowed me to believe it was all OK when it’s not.”


Change is possible

Janette reached out several months later to tell me she and her boyfriend had broken up. “The kid thing was a dealbreaker,” she wrote. “But I’ve weaned myself from the caffeine!” She told me the thing she’d feared the most happened and she was doing well. “I had to grieve the loss, but I’ve moved on and even dating again. It wasn’t the ‘end’ that I feared.”

Confronting behavior that sabotages our desires is easier when we have a mirror, and exploring our past lives through the Akashic Records is just that. It’s like watching a movie, the distance provides a safe space for us to recognize how what we see in that life is at play in our current one. 

For us to level up as a collective, we each must do our part. And our drive to control – whether it’s as mundane as which parking space we must have at the store to as potentially harmful as dictating our children’s careers – keeps us locked in fear and unable to evolve.

That drive is often mitigated or even disappears when you consult your Akashic Records, and discover how past life experiences and karma influence your life today. If the idea of doing this intrigues you, my new book, Your Soul Has A Plan, is a great place to start because it includes multiple ways for you to connect with the Akashic Masters. You can also sign up for one of my classes or schedule a private session. 

Choose what feels right to you and remember I’m here to support your journey to wholeness. 

Until next time,



Mother, Father, Goddess, God, I ask for assistance in 

releasing the need to control every aspect of my life. 

I know my control helps me to create a false sense of safety.

I release it to Divine Source as I now take a leap of Faith

Into the unknown and relax into the truth that I am safe.

I know that Life is being guided by my soul and 

the divine without my need to be ever vigilant. 

I relax and open my heart to feel the goodness and support of divine love.

I accept with gratitude this courage to release control. 

So it is. Blessed Be.

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